Tears To My Eyes... Yet Hope For The Future...

So for those of you who don't know, I am the bastard son of a certain German Abreu, he was married to another woman when I was conceived. Now that is not the point to this story, the point is the 2 sisters and 1 brother I have from his marriage. I never really knew them, saw them maybe 4 or 5 times in my life (except for one of the sisters, she went to my high school for 2 years). Anyway I logged into MySpace yesterday and saw that I had a friend request and a message from some girl from NYC. I didn't know who it was and thought maybe we went to school together, nope, I was like ok hmmmm I wonder how this girl knows me. I start looking at her pictures and have no clue who she is. I then find one that is labeled "Adri and ____" that is when it hits me. My dad's oldest daughter's name is Adriana. I'm like HOLY SHIT, cause of course no one over there knows how I live my life or the fact that I'm gay. I'm like fuck what do I do, my profile is public so obviously she's read it so no use just ignoring the request. Then I remember there is a message too, it reads:

"hey..u came up in a conversation btwn me and my mom..and i was wondering how u were doing...it looks like ur doing great..im happy for u and also proud..i hope u don't mind i looked u up let alone added u..it sucks we were never "normal" siblings..bc i would love to get to know you...and not just talk to u once in a while..i know its not ur fault that we never got to do brother and sister stuff..its not mine either..its just the way things happened...i don't judge u ..i never did..ur not my half brother..ur a whole one..if u can write back..maybe we can talk?? "

I was perplexed, feast of anger ran through my body, not because of her but because of the memories of my father that it brought up. I decided I would wait a day to respond, gather my thoughts and calm down enough that I could give her an honest and rightful answer.

My response:

"Hey Adriana,

Sorry I didn't respond right away, I'm in the middle of a film festival here in St. Louis and I'm up to my neck in work. I agree that it sucks we didn't grow up close, as a kid I wanted it bad but you know how parents can be and ours never saw eye to eye on things.

I have to say I do feel weird about the whole situation because all I ever wanted was for Tony to act like my father and when he officially wanted to be I was grown and resentful. It didn't help that he tried to be authoritative and would tell my mom that I was being a hoodlum (I like that word it's funny) when I've never done anything worse than be late for class.

Anyway I am beyond the point of repair with him but I want you to know that I was never resentful towards you or the others, I just never got to know you, and it kinda sucks being the son of the "other woman."

Regardless I have no problem talking to you and getting to know you, you've always seemed more mature and respectful, even my friend Elbia (You knew her from Church) would tell me about you. I arrive in New York in three weeks, if you want to get some coffee or something sometime that would be fine. I'm only there for three weeks before I head off to London for Grad School.

And by the way congratulations on your marriage.

Chris."

As I sent the message I get another friend request, it is from my other sister, Aileen, the one who went to my high school, I say what the heck and add her. I look through their top 8 and see this 17 year old kid who kinda looks like me when I was that age. I'm like oh shit and I click it, it's my brother Adrian, the last time I saw him he was 9. Weird I know. It seems as though it's time to let go of the past and move on. Hopefully this can be something beneficial to all of us. Although I don't think my relationship with my father could ever be repaired, it's not fair to push away the siblings I never had who wanted to be there just as much as I did.